![]() ![]() I rewrote the entire thesis in a month and a half. I started writing for 16, sometimes even 20, hours a day-something no amount of coffee or other substances could help with today. From a semi-depressed couch potato, I moved into a hyper-productive mode. And breathe.Īfter stripping me of all that I thought I possessed, the Generous One prepared an incredible, almost humoristic plot. My wings were broken, yet I was offered a safe rock to rest my head. Mevlana’s invitation to die before death came closer to heart, as whatever I thought I had, became a stark reminder of the Divine gift I was entrusted to host. My once-treasured self-image was now a speck of sand, nothing belonged to me. The rigid framework of linear logic, the attachment to my own actions and expectations-all had to drown for me to realise my own fragility. Little did I know that I had to be broken to be emptied. I would think to myself, “God, just do whatever you want.” My mind could not make sense of anything-I had worked hard, done zhikr with the appropriate Great Names, played by all rules… When I would eventually manage to leave the sofa and stagger to my praying corner, I would silently sit there for hours. For weeks afterward, I could not move, let alone think or write. ![]() Just a few days before the submission deadline, my faculty advisors told me that I was simply not ready to submit. But the thesis was not coherent-the theory did not correspond to the empirical data, undermining many other aspects. I spent endless hours in the library, completed elaborate research, and wrote all my chapters. No wonder I needed a lesson in submission.įor many years I worked diligently on my doctoral thesis. However, I was also so blind as to believe that these characteristics belonged to me and defined who I was. God was very generous on this journey-solutions emerged in the least expected places, wonderful people were sent my way, many dreams were fulfilled. It served me well over the years and I was grateful for it. “Especially because you are a girl,” my father used to say, “You never know whether your parents will die young or will have to change country, or.” The never-knows all came to pass, as did my own exercise of self-reliance. I was raised in a family where being hard-working and well-educated was constantly emphasized as vitally important. My vulnerability surfaced so clearly, luckily together with my ultimate dependence on the Doer. While it seemed like a completion of an education degree, in essence it turned out to be a ticket to witnessing my attachments and weaknesses. Funnily enough, this stage is called “submission”. The final stage of my PhD was a sublime assessment of my tevekul and tawhid. ![]() It is a subtle yet omnipresent invitation to presence with the Divine. It is only in more recent years that I realised the depth of tevekul (trust in Allah) and tawhid (handing over matters/surrendering to our Lord) that we are called upon when uttering the shahada. It reads “ Ashadu an la ilaha ill-Allah, wa ashadu anna Muhammadan rasulullah” and means “I bear witness that there is no god but God and Muhammad is the Prophet of God.” For someone born as a Muslim, I often took this for granted and focused more on the other pillars. The recitation of the shahada is the first of the five basic pillars of Islam, and is often considered, by itself, a sufficient basis to call oneself a believer of the Islamic faith. Reflections on the August Theme: Claim nothing let the Divine do. We welcome your reflections on this theme. Watch last month's meeting below and see all our videos here. Held on the 1st Sunday of every month at 12pm Eastern Time (5pm UK). Join us for a monthly online meditation and sohbet with Shaikh Kabir and Camille, and special guests from the Threshold community. He has also prerecorded a conversation with Jeremy Henzell-Thomas on Jeremy's experience of bringing the 99 Names into daily life. Sep 4th: Shaikh Kabir will be at this year’s annual UK retreat in Dorset, he has asked Khalifah Khadim Chishti to stand in for him and Camille. ![]()
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